Why Shame? Why guilt?

Why do we feel that we are not enough? Not good enough parents? Not a good enough doctor? Not a good enough daughter? Not a good enough cook? Not doing enough in this world? Not a good enough spouse? Maybe even feeling sometimes useless. Feeling as if you can’t do anything.

I wonder if sometimes this doesn’t come when we are growing up and we feel as very small children that we don’t please our parents. Maybe our parents are having their own problems – relationship problems – they become angry or distant or don’t pay enough attention, and we see that WE are the problem, not them.

As children, we are weak and vulnerable. Our parents are necessary for survival. We have to fit in. We have to see them as strong. And capable. And even if they are failing, we can’t afford to notice that – it affects our feeling of safety. So we turn on ourselves and see ourselves as not good enough.

This feeling turns into shame and guilt because it’s a a confused thought. There’s no rational basis. Later in life, we love our parents, we don’t want to see that they haven’t done enough – and so we keep those feelings of guilt and shame and transfer them to other areas of our life.

Just some thoughts for today. Check out Complex PTSD and Shame videos.

Have a great day.


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