J is with me today – Hey Jay.
Jay says her idea of a good day is when she hurts because it means she has done enough and it’s been a productive day. Very interesting.
What I found with Jay is dissociation. I use that term a little differently than some doctors. Many people who have had a traumatic childhood learn early on that their pain and their feelings don’t matter. That is one way to dissociate. Your mind learns to block off your body’s needs. And that includes cutting yourself off from your Limbic System.
Not all people who have dissociation have parents who are too overwhelmed to cope. In Jay’s case, she had wonderful parents who were very supportive. They taught her many different clever tools to cope with emotional pain. But then Jay suffered traumas: school bullying and another large trauma.
Trauma can block your ability to take notice of your body’s needs. That can lead to you doing too much and injurying yourself. Pacing is very hard for people who feel they are not enough. Not good enough.
Sometimes being productive is a form of anxiety. The more you feel you need to control your environment around you, the more anxious you are. Do you need things to be just right? Do you want the house tidy? if not then you feel uncomfortable. Or tasks are left undone and that bothers? The more these things bother you, the more anxious you are.
Today is just a rambling day. Exploring issues with Jay and sharing them with you. Thank you Jay